Finding Joy in the time of Coronavirus

I don’t consider myself an anxious person. I’m normally positive, energetic and ready to have a good time. I’m usually the one who people call when they’re feeling down and need someone to lift their spirits. In the past few weeks, I found myself feeling very anxious. At times I even felt depressed. It started probably like it did for many people. First I was worried about getting to and from my job in New York City every day. I spend 1.5 hours each day traveling on mass transit, literally shoulder to shoulder with other commuters. Did any of them have coronavirus? Was I breathing in contaminated air and could possibly catch the virus? I was constantly putting on hand sanitizer and avoided touching the subway poles like nobody’s business. 

Then more cases started being reported around the country and I started worrying about my loved ones. Were my parents safe at their house in Connecticut? Should I go stay with them to make sure? But what if I’m carrying the virus without symptoms and could potentially infect them? What is the right amount of worry without being a complete alarmist? 

My husband and I decided to cancel an upcoming trip to Savannah (our favorite place), which was disappointing, but felt like the safe and socially responsible thing to do. Making all the phone calls to undo the trip made everything seem so much more real. When I called a restaurant to cancel a reservation, the hostess ended the call with “we completely understand and will keep you and your family in our prayers.” Did we need to be kept in their prayers? Should I be more worried?

As the days went on, we started working from home and paying even more attention to the news. We watched not only the global health impact, but the financial impact as well. Every time I looked at my phone, computer or television, I was inundated with more terrifying reports and a feeling of dread. Should I be panicking more? I didn’t know how to feel, which just fed the worry more. 

My anxiety went from worrying if we had enough groceries, to worrying about our jobs, to worrying about how the world would survive this. When I saw the people of Italy on the news singing and dancing on their balconies to keep their spirits up during the lockdown, I started tearing up. It made me so sad and heartbroken for them. I found myself crying at random times to my husband and feeling physically sick with worry. 

Eventually the state of New Jersey where I live started closing down businesses and put a mandatory curfew in place of 8pm. Then the rest of the country started following suit. I started thinking back to when coronavirus wasn’t here, when it seemed so far away, when people would tell you “oh, the flu is worse, there’s nothing to worry about” to now being quarantined in my apartment for an indefinite amount of time. I felt completely backed into a corner and I was scared. 

I finally began accepting that I had no control over this. The only thing I could do is take the precautions that I was supposed to take and keep going. I accepted that I had no idea how long this would go on for and neither did the rest of the world. Once I started accepting, something inside me shifted. I realized I could either sit on my couch, get my work done in my pajamas, while feeling scared and depressed, or I could sing and dance on my balcony like the people of Italy. (I don’t actually have a balcony, but you get the idea.) I watched as many of those videos as I could find. This time I saw them in a different light. The videos weren’t sad and heartbreaking. They were full of joy. This realization made me feel overcome with gratitude.

I am lucky to be alive, to be healthy, to have my family, wonderful husband and friends, my loved ones are safe, I still have a job, I have a beautiful home to be quarantined in.

I. Am. Damn. Lucky. 

With those powerful affirmations, I snapped myself out of it. The first thing I did was clean my apartment from top to bottom. I thought to myself, “if we’re going to be here for a while, I might as well spruce it up.” I vacuumed, dusted, scrubbed, washed sheets and towels, watered the plants. (I even cleaned my baseboards!) It felt so good and therapeutic. Then I took a very long, hot shower, washing away the worry, stress and fear. Afterwards, I used all my favorite beauty products and put on my favorite perfume. Then I lit some candles and incense around the apartment and started thinking about what to make for dinner. 

For the last week or so while we waited things out, my husband and I had been pretty much been eating dinner at our kitchen bar in sweatpants and one of us was usually on the phone or computer still doing work. Then I had a great idea. I could turn our meals into dinner parties for two. No more sweatpants (or at least wear cute ones) and no more working during dinner. I would put on Frank Sinatra at 5pm sharp every night, put out wine and cheese and we would have a full on cocktail hour while I cooked. Then we would sit together for dinner, candles lit and use our nice dishware. We even broke into our fancy stash of wine. These dinners didn’t have to be about doom and gloom, they could be experiences and memories for the future. 

This practice led me to start finding new rituals and moments of joy at home. Each day, I would start off by lighting a pretty candle in the apartment. My husband and I began sitting together in the mornings over coffee and cereal before my first conference call of the day. I found that proper showers, skin care, body care and hair care regimens are all necessary. I also found myself digging into my “I’ll just use this on special occasions” beauty product collection. Why save it? Why not make now the special occasion?

Now I make sure to block out some time for fresh air, even if it’s just a quick walk around the block, and an at-home workout of some kind. I cook every meal with joy and turn the moment into a special occasion. I need to get to organizing my closets, but there will be time for that. 

I realize this is just the beginning and there are a lot of people suffering around the globe, which is why more than ever, those of us who are fortunate need to feel that gratitude more strongly than we feel the fear. For those who are still treating this like a free vacation, stop it. Remind yourself that you’re one of the lucky ones, and that there are many who are not. 

For those who are still fearful, remember that this is a moment in time. It will pass. When you feel powerless because you’re sitting on the couch, remember all the things you still have control of.

Take a breath.
Light a candle. 
Cook a new recipe.
Facetime with your best friend.
Call a co-worker to see how they’re doing. 
Call your mom!
Support your local businesses by buying gift cards.
Check on your elderly neighbors.
If you have kids, encourage them to draw or journal this experience. 
Find moments of joy in your new (temporary) normal. 

This morning started off rainy. As I finished writing this, I looked outside my bedroom window. The sun was out and I saw a tree blossoming with beautiful, yellow flowers. Spring is on its way.